Blank

I am not feeling well. Now, how does one cry without tears? Is it even possible? God. I am sick? Maybe there's a little too much on my shoulders. Letting go is not easy but I'll give it a try. All I ever wanted was to live a happy life. As easy as it sounds, I'm still trying hard. And Al, I've been too hard on you and I'm deeply sorry for all the things I put you through. I'll work hard towards improvements and never perfections anymore. Maybe perfections only if it makes me happy in a good way. Never again to compare cause it's going to be me nowhere. On another note, it makes me wonder why certain things are so attractive, captivating and good looking. I'm not sure whether I want it or want to be it. Sure it does attract me but then again no such luck. No more questions, it's about time to put a stop.

Question no more?
Alan

Spotlight - Jennifer Hudson

Are you a man who loves and cherishes and cares for me?
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Are you a guard in a prison, maximum security?
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Do we stay home all the time 'cause you want me to yourself?
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Or am I locked away, out of fear that I'd find someone else
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?

[Chorus]
Well, I don't like living under your spotlight
Just because you think I might find somebody worthy
Well, I don't like living under your spotlight
Maybe if you treat me right, you won't have to worry

Is this a relationship, fulfilling your needs as well as mine
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Or is it just my sentence, am I doing time?
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
If this is love, real, real love, then I'm staying no doubt
But if I'm just love's prisoner, then I'm busting out
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?

[Chorus]

Oh, you oughta be ashamed of yourself
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Loving me, loving me, so wrong
Baby, all I do is try
To show you that you're my one and only guy
No matter who may come along
Open your eyes cuz baby I don't lie

[Chorus x2]

KL

Hentian Puduraya, Hotel Puduraya.

Happy Bug

How I love thee!

Whee,
Alan

Empty, Lonely, Cold

I knew it. I shouldn't have had the slightest doubt. All in all, I am right again. If I could, I would really try to change myself to be more selfless. Finally, I can finally see all the blessings in disguise. Man, and it's too clear now that the omega's you alone. Never lose faith; it's scary but there will be answer. Remember, everybody's got a choice. I'm so in equilibrium with myself and I got this feeling, that tomorrow's going to be a good day. Doesn't matter if I need to endure the chill of silence, living my life is still going to be beautiful. It's been too long since I last felt it, couldn't recall how it feels like anymore. No longer important? The truth is, there will never be fairytale in reality. So, please learn to not expect one. Would love to have the opportunity to be hurt deeply though; life's not complete without everything. Losing. Never thought one can feel good losing. It's really okay that you lose; but never be a loser. Maybe constriction is an issue. Time never enough. I think it's going to be good for me to feel empty, lonely and cold; just to keep my sanity though.

Loser? Not!,
Alan

What?

Hello. Do you see me? I almost thought I'm an invisibility. Is that what I'm searching and longing for? Is it what you cannot get that you most fancy. Mm, I think I still fancy. But ironic that the feeling isn't the same anymore, I wonder what it is now. Haha. If you think you understand, think again. And how the world isn't about you but then again suck up to it and the world goes on. I still cannot decide whether I should be aggressive or not. If an o is there, what are you waiting for? Not easy really, but really what in this world comes easy? Question remains, are you ready and are you willing to work hard? Funny how things will eventually come to a state whatever it is; might be an end or a new perspective. Can't believe how far I have gone through as an instructor and all of the passions. Passion? Are you sure? Whatever it is though; inhale and exhale. You'll be able to think better. And to thee, I think I'm sorry. Some things are just not meant to be; or rather I'm not meant to be. I don't know though. It's a matter of time; and hopefully it'll be better in time for myself.

Nothing,
Alan

Empty, Lonely, Cold

Man. That's what one don't want to be. And whatever it takes that you'll do, to run away from empty, lonely and cold. I don't have it in my veins but I can feel the three words; so apparent, so close I can smell it's traces around parts of my life. Shocking it can be but then all it's about it sadness and sorrow. This round's question. Are you living with a bonus? Really got to be grateful if you are; I cannot imagine how much more difficult it will be living without a bonus. I see how people with bonus flourish big time. Don't lose faith though? A handful of people without bonus are still able to make it big. Drama. And how I don't like to take drama. Ironic? I bet it is. On another note, I should really start studying hard already. I can see myself doing the bar in the UK; it's big time opportunity cost. We'll see about that and how my results will also affect the whatever decision. And if you're reading this very things, congratulations. You are living life; but please try to live your life though. And all that simplicity that you want in life. I don't think simplicity will ever find it's way in life. Just bear with the little bit of more complications?

Bonus?
Alan

Empty, Lonely, Cold

How does that affect you?

I'm Back

I'm back in Penang. Reality, here I come! Life goes on. Be happy, be positive and live your life! Whatever it is, I feel recharged to face so much more mentally. And also, things are so meant to be!

I Can

I can do all things through God that strengthens me.

Goodbye

Hong Kong, here I come!

Finally

Lying down alone in my room, and right before my eyes; it's finally here. I'm truly blessed, thank you God. But still, if only things could be much more simpler. I've learned that it's not always about what you want but more of what's meant to be. Alan, I know I've been hard on you. I'm truly sorry for the things I put you through. I hope you have more courage than ever, cause the road is never going to be an easy one for you. Good that I'm able to take a breather, a long awaited one. I look forward to a recharge, mentally and physically. I now take every little falls as a stepping stone to so much more. After all, I can do all things through God that strengthens me. At this point of my life; am I happy? I don't think so but it's really okay. I've been through and gone through so much. I'm proud with yours truly. It wasn't easy, I'm on my way but I can see the finish. I still believe that I'm destined for greatness. One thing I'm sure though, all the things that I put my hard work on is going to be worth it. Won't you take a chance? I'd probably don't want to go back where I started again. Brilliant. I somewhat love this quasi-emotional feeling today.

Complicated,
Alan

Lonely - Britney Spears

To think I'm so naive..
How dare you play with me
I gave you heart and soul yeah
Tell me baby please
Oh why you screwin with my head
I don´t think you understand
I won't take your.. uhh.. no more
Don't knock on my door

Not this time because I recognize
I've heard it all before... and I.... I.. I

I think about the times that I wasted
I think about the times that I took you back
Ain't no way I'll be lonely
I don't wanna let you back in
Let's just face it (face it)
Better off alone and I want her back
You thought that I will be lonely
I don´t wanna let you back in

Don't tell me how to feel
Or say that you're for real
My minds made up I'm cool without ya
You got no more appeal
Now this girl don´t need no man
Say what you can to worsh she can
Now I live for me
Boy does that make you weak

Not this time...because I realise
I've heard it all before... and I.... I.. I

I think about the times that I wasted
I think about the times that I took you back
Ain't no way I´ll be lonely
I don't wanna let you back in
Let's just face it(face it)
Better of alone and I want her back
You thought that I will be lonely
I don't wanna let you back in

Think of times you made me cry you
had me so confused
I'm tired of trying
Leave behind this
What you gotta do

Think of all the times you made me sick
I used to think I couldn't handle it
What you think, I'm just another chick
Must have bit,boy you must have tripped
The way you thinkin when you lost my trust
You had it all and now your left for nothing
Ooh baby now I know you want my touch
And now you´re lonely and you still want me

I think about the times that I wasted...

Lonely

I can't help the way I feel but I don't want to let you back in.

Disappointment & Despair

I was disappointed. I hope everything will be alright, and the courage to stand up will be with yours truly again. To the others, thank you so very much. You guys know who you guys are. I am blessed. And life, being so realistic is scaring the hell out of me. Wake up when the picture's so clear you say. And to the irresponsible person of my life, just shoot the hell out of my life. Just do it or shut the fuck up? I don't give a fucking damn and stop affecting me like that, you're not great shit. I can lose faith and hope with everything, anybody and everybody except God. I have full faith with God, the only thing I have left. God says, "Ask and you shall receive!".

Hosanna,
Alan

If

If there's anything that I could do. I would give up everything just to be able to catch Sammi Cheng live in HK Coliseum in December. The very thing that I want most in my life right now. God, may I?

Move

Let's move on, let's move on.

Fear

I am not afraid, for I have God.